...so, thank you Donald Trump.

 

In spite of normal self, I can promise there is nothing ironic for me about the title of this short essay I write. This is not to say that my views or personal feelings have changed even an iota in the previous five years. I still would gleefully call Donald Trump a traitor to his face. I still find even the notion of voting for him to be beyond all grasp of my comprehension. The pit in my stomach from even having to entertain the feeling of looking out over a precipice has neither simmered nor shortened. Yet I would be remiss to say that these last five years have been without some benefit in terms of the crystallization of why I feel the way I feel, and what I actually want from the United States of America as a country, if I am to hold to my principle of being fair and objective, and from true Americans, if I may be so bold as to believe I am such a person, and might be so inclined as to ask for their help and understanding.

 

So, I must acknowledge that I do have five things to thank Donald Trump for, and I do not expect these things to change anyone’s mind about voting for or against him, as I am relatively sure you, whoever you are, have long since made up your mind. I only hope that if you continue reading this it will help you reflect and consider what will happen on November fourth, and remember that November third can do nothing more than produce a name – it cannot truly reflect the depth and dexterity of a whole people.

 

…so, thank you Donald Trump for giving me the clarity to see that a vote for you, against you, or even to write in Mickey Mouse, has nothing to do with why I should or should not believe in Americans. Americans are good people. They are pragmatic. They are pugnacious. They are persistent. They are personable. They are proud. Americans are like people all over the world – they are good people. This is not to say I think everyone who lives in the United States of America is an American; I do not. Being born in any zip code means nothing. Being American is a mindset, one you must apply to yourself every day. There are people who live ten thousand miles away from any zip code that we would recognize as the United States of America who are more American than anyone I have ever met who does hail from said zip codes. In this way Americans are unique, that no country makes or devalues the depth of character that they have in everything they do every day. I certainly hope I am one of them, but I can only wake up every day and do my best to earn it – it cannot be given. No vote makes that moniker any better or worse, because Americans vote with toil, tears, and tenacity, and they vote every day. I do not have enemies because of some button pressed on some knock off iPad, but I do have antagonists to what I wake up to and try to do every day because of my belief that in doing so I am a true American.

 

…so, thank you Donald Trump for giving me the attribute I was so very lacking five years ago. I needed to learn how to forgive myself for my failures and stop being angry at the failings of a system for my loss of faith. My faith in the United States of America was broken long before Donald Trump set foot on a debate stage. I was angry, and hurt, and embarrassed. I felt betrayed. Yet I forgot that any deal or agreement I made had little to do with the United States of America, a flawed and deeply misgiven country, but I did it is as an American believing I was helping other Americans. I forgot that I was not representing the United States of America when I had these feelings. I represented Americans, those persistent, proud, pragmatic people. I did not stand in those sand storms or scale those mountains or teach in those schools for laws, and taxes, and zip codes I could not care less about. I did those things for people I believed in, that I still believe in. I let my weakness make me angry before it made me determined, and that was my fault, and my fault alone. I have realized though that I forgot that it was the systems, not that people, that antagonized me, and no person has ever enabled me to make this distinction so clear as you have in these past five years. I forgot that sometimes those strengths of character can be weaknesses when we let our egos and our characters feed off each other and forget what we stand for when we wake up and work towards improving ourselves every day. We do need to temper ourselves, forgive ourselves, and not make decisions because they make us feel better or seem like they will vindicate what we want to do.

 

…so, thank you Donald Trump for giving me the realization that my strength of conviction at times was just as much a weakness, and that all of us best heed to watch our strengths, for they oft are also our greatest weakness. That tenacity that defines Americans can be a great gift. They truly do not believe that anything is impossible, and swell with pride when they believe they can be a part of the solution. They stand and hear that anthem about a bunch of backwater oil vendors loading cannons and repelling attacks, and believe it speaks to a deep and lasting part of the soul of who they are: commitment incarnate. It is why I still tear up every time I hear those horns and trumpets play that song, because I do believe that some of those people were thinking about future Americans, and are not suckers because they put others before themselves. I hope one day I am counted among them and if I am ashamed it is that I forgot that this was my goal the whole time I did any of the things I believed were good and meaningful in my life. That belief that we can accomplish anything is a great part of my sense of self, and I think any true American would see it as a key component of their world view as well, and would never denigrate the memory of those people, from coal miners, to nurses, to teachers, to train operators, to soldiers on the front line, and would certainly never think they were “suckers”. I think Americans, being pragmatic, know they need to seek help and advice from every possible perspective if the success they want is to be achieved. True Americans see that sometimes their strengths do not aid them, and so need to look to someone different for advice, comfort, and help, and that this willingness to attend to and be attended to by others is not a weakness, but an appreciation of how being American has not place or time, but has meaning because of every person honest, decent, and persistent enough to make it have meaning.

 

…so, thank you Donald Trump for giving me the experience of needing to self-reflect and ask myself hard questions. Do I actually care if someone fits my definition of “good” before I am willing to listen to them? Can I put my ego aside long enough to remember that two wrongs do not make a right? Am I brave as I think I am, or would I shoot at people I do not like and want to provoke so I can seem tough as well? Would I forgive myself long enough to allow my poor first impressions and bias to not misdirect my actions? Could I actually understand what it feels like to not be wanted in your own country, or do I just believe I can in some vain attempt to make believe that I am not responsible for anyone feeling like I would forget and forsake them? What is the value of being American to me, and does it matter more than playing a childish popularity contest or making my myself enriched? I wish I had good answers that were definitive. I do not. Much like your “response” to pandemics, protests, and pernicious assaults on the foundation of every system that supports the people you “lead”, the answers might certainly have clear implications, but must be assessed every day, and the greatest of all failures, as you well know, is in not acting. I wish I can sit here and say I remember that every day like a true American would. I wish I could say I get up every day and assess myself and strive to have good answers to those questions, like a good American would. I cannot. I fail sometimes, harder than most I would imagine. I know now though the only moments in my life when I ever truly had bad answers were the days when I would have had no answer, no plan, and no willingness to even pretend to care. True Americans never give up, because they know the only true defeat is when they decide to give up.

 

…so, thank you Donald Trump for giving me the stimulus I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and angry at some giant piece of dirt that never much meant a thing to me in the first place. I do not care about any country or set of laws or set of beliefs or set of structures or how anyone who blindly worships these things feels about me. I care about the people. Ten years ago, I forgot that. Five years ago, I still had little memory of that. I do not forget anymore. Long after buildings and banners and bullets crumble and scatter and rust, there will still be an idea called ‘America’. It will last longer than anything I do today, longer than anything anyone will do today, even longer than anything you do today Donald. If America has ever truly ‘always’ been something, it has always been this place of dreams of what could be done if only we are willing to try. That is not dead. Five thousand years ago it had a different name, as two thousand years ago, as five hundred years ago, as a hundred years ago, and people five kilometers away from me have a completely different word for it, but we have, all of us, always meant the same thing. No one fool can stop that, and no one fool sustains it. It is sustained through the billions of little acts of kindness, and decency, and faith in something having value whether we exist or not. No clump of dirt or tome of laws or piles of money make that choice any more or less valuable. I held others and an entire country responsible for my feelings of loss and sense that this belief I have, to the deepest core of who I am, was devalued. For this I was deeply mistaken, and I hope true Americans will forgive me. I will most likely make the same mistake again, but I certainly hope I never need so long a time to regain my footing the next time I fall, and that I have learned from my mistake to possibly be a better man, a better teacher, and hopefully, one day, a true American.

 

…so, for however much it pains me, thank you Donald Trump.

And so, to anyone who reads this, let me ask you only this. Wake up every day and work at being a true American. If it sounds like I equate being a good American with being a good person, it is because I do. I do not care if someone was born in New York, or Norfolk, or Novgorod, or Nanjing – they can be just as American as anyone. Part of that is that what we do, all of us, we better be able to stand behind it. So, whoever you vote for, own that vote, and own why you made that choice. I voted for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris (latter way more than former) because I believe they will not make my job, as I see it, of advancing economic and civic rights expansion harder, and they will be willing to think of how much they can help create systems that will at least not harm those I care for most. I do not want them to help me, and I would not be so completely selfish or misguided as to think they would ever give two rats about such a thing. Yet, I believe that they will not make what I need to do every day more difficult, and will look after those things that I expect them to with diligence and duty. I have no misgivings about making that statement. Whoever or whatever you vote for, be as honest with yourself as I am. My motives are VERY selfish, as in I voted for who I see as the least incompetent, but at least I can state specifically what I want to see, and I do not just talk about how a vote makes me feel. I have expectations of public officials, not entertainment. If you voted for Donald Trump, fine, but tell me EXACTLY why you did and stop blindly thinking that choice will ever personally benefit you.

 

If there is one thing we all better have learned by now, it is that there are many divides left in the United States of America. If it ever can be a place where all true Americans call home, honesty had best become something we can easily have between each other. I am not here to fight with you. I am here to improve myself and hopefully do you some good in the process. I will not give up on you, and I hope you would do the same for me. True comradery, though, can only be had if I know who and what you are, and if you are as willing to admit that to me as I am to you. Whatever you are going to do today, before you do it, as you should every day, think:

 

What does this decision mean for everyone’s tomorrow?

 

If you have no ill feelings after that thought, do it. If you even so much as slightly hesitate though, which you should, I urge you to reflect and consider what I said earlier in this essay: the only bad answers are the ones were do not care enough to consider and assess. Whatever we do today, let us, each of us, own it tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and for every moment for the rest of our lives. I think that is what a true American does. So thank you Donald Trump for making me see, for possibly the first time in my life, why I will never be ashamed to be called American, and how honored I am to wake up every day and fight for the right to call myself one. That decision, no matter what hunk of meat sits in some oversized, over-stuffed, self-stroking chair, is the one that I will be proud of tomorrow.